Ladonna’s Readjustment from What to Who
Remembering the Rondo Neighborhood
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Listen to Ladonna’s story as you read it (below).
Ladonna, gripping her black briefcase atop her rollator, entered the elevator, joining two men. She pressed the button for the fifteenth floor, feeling a familiar relief as the doors closed without incident. The men gave her a quick, blank stare.
“Vice president,” the younger man suddenly said, his eyes on her lapel. Ladonna realized she still had her Best Buy name badge on.
“That’s something,” he continued, a bit louder. “I’m not even a vice president.”
Ladonna smiled disbelievingly but said nothing, dismissing him as a narcissist. She watched the other man until the elevator stopped. She quickly exited, just before the doors closed again.
The mid-1980s were boom years, and being a vice president was prestigious. Ladonna tried to refocus on her conference, but the elevator encounter lingered.
Years later, her friend Pat, a retired StarTribune reporter, shed light on the incident during one of their lunches.
"Because you've succeeded in overcoming the difficulties of living with cerebral palsy and accomplished things that some of us have not, you remind us of the personal potential we're not using," Pat explained, his rimless glasses glinting.
Ladonna shook her head. "Make someone feel guilty? That's definitely not my intent. And that’s not the point."
"It's not always guilt," Pat countered. "Your example can be turned into a positive experience."
"That’s your white man talking again," Ladonna interjected with a smirk.
"But some people struggling with self-esteem can let their 'self-talk' use your example as a reproach," Pat explained. "Your circumstances force a person to confront his own self-image. Does he feel good about himself? Or does he know, deep down, that he's not applying himself like he could?"
"Come on – it’s probably more about racism than guilt,” Ladonna blurted, adding a new dimension to her understanding.
"That, too," Pat whispered in agreement. "You don't fit the stereotype. You surprise people, and that means they have to readjust their image of what people with disabilities are all about. Plus you’re a woman. Plus you’re black."
"Those two guys in the elevator had no idea about who I was at that point in my life," Ladonna admitted, realizing the depth of the issue. "Yes, I knew the tricks of the trade. I was still playing the game back then – just to get ahead.”
"What game?"
"The game of being a woman. The game of being black. The game of being disabled,” Ladonna whispered. But then she exclaimed, emphasizing each word, “In each case, you need to follow the rules to get ahead!”
Pat removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
Ladonna continued, "Here’s what I’ve discovered since that elevator thing. I needed to peel away the layers of ‘makeup’ I accumulated over the years to play the business game of selling electronics. Basically, I’m a black woman with a disability who grew up in the Rondo Neighborhood during the 1950s.”
“What’s Rondo got to do with it?”
“My dad was a manager of a Best Buy store in Rondo,” Ladonna explained. “I used to watch him in action with all kinds of people. That’s where I learned to sell electronics – before the freeway came through and destroyed our neighborhood.”
“Yes, I remember – Interstate 94.”
“Now that I’m retired, I realize I was sometimes relying on ‘makeup’ to hide who I really was –– just to get ahead. Now I don’t have to pretend to be more than who I really am. I don’t need the ‘makeup’ anymore. I’m a free person.”
She then reminded Pat she began to find her new freedom years before the ADA, the women’s movement, and Ketanji Brown Jackson’s appointment.
For 79-year-old Ladonna, how people react to her differences matters less now. She's done with playing games and proving herself. Her focus has shifted from what individuals do to who they are.
“Titles, assumptions, and stereotypes are too narrow for me right now,” she explained. “I‘m now more interested in restoring parts of the Rondo Neighborhood, specifically the Rondo Land Bridge Freeway.
Ladonna's advice from her story: Use retirement’s freedom to discover who you truly are.
Here’s to mature-adult living!
Jim Hasse, ABC, GCDF retired, author of “52 Shades of Graying”
Weekly Stories About Aging Well
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Ladonna would have been a wonderful model for me in my working years.
I know exactly what she meant about doing what was seemingly required to "look the part." A business suit - preferably in black, grey, or brown. A blouse with a modified men's tie and heels (wouldn't you think we should have been able to wear flats or shoes more closely resembling men's shoes?) And a confident voice with appropriate action steps in meetings. That Ladonna managed all that with Cerebral Palsy indicates how intelligent she is with a phenomenal understanding of people and their needs. She must have been a wonderful role model for both men and women - I wish I would have had a chance to work with her.
My professional life in the 80s and 90s strongly encouraged women to be mini-men because women needed to fit/blend into a largely male business world. I wonder if today's professional woman continues to address similar situations.
I wish I would/could have allowed professional me more freedom to be - something that feels wonderful in retirement.
Here’s why I started writing “52 Shades of Graying” in June 2022. Back then, I wrote:
“When I was nine, I was already walking like a 90-year-old man.
“I’ve had nearly eight decades to adjust to the fact that walking is always tentative for me due to my cerebral palsy. That’s always been my reality.
“But, what about the otherwise healthy guy who suddenly, at 75, has a stroke and finds he needs a walker to get around? How does he adjust to that new reality?
“I’m using my experience about how to come to terms with disability to help my fellow older adults adjust psychologically, emotionally and spiritually to vulnerability – through short stories.”
“And I’m surprised. Very few people are addressing this issue, the intersection of ageism and ableism.”
“But, since then, another surprise has popped up. In looking back at my discussion questions I’ve developed so far, I’ve found they are not only about ageism or ableism issues (which quite candidly can be rather boring). They are also about the lessons older adults have learned over the years and now want to pass on to their family and friends – insight about values as well as vulnerability our community members can share through simple stories about themselves.
“So, together, we‘re expanding into a little bit broader arena: ‘Story-based Prompts for Sharing our Insight.’”
* What current passion in your life best reflects who you are at this stage in your life?